Secret
by Storm Alert
Summary: Rukia's pregnant and you have to tell everybody that you see! And now nobody will look at Byakuya- or Hitsugaya, but that's just for fun...  Better than it sounds I hope... IchiRuki, hints of ByaRen, but nothing serious.


**Commision for Leaves-In-The-Sand.**

**Rukia's pregnant and nobody wants to tell Byakuya... I'm not sure if it's good or not...**

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><p>"Umm, Ichigo?" Rukia asked, peering around the doorframe to look at orange haired Shinigami. She and Ichigo had begun to live together in the Seireitei just months before, and it was still a slightly awkward arrangement.<p>

"Yeah." Ichigo replied. He was sprawled out in a chair, one leg hooked over the arm of the chair, the other one propped up on the chair directly across from him. "What's up?" Rukia shoved his leg off of the other chair and sat down primly on it. She shifted uneasily, opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, and then shrugged a bit, looking extremely uncomfortable. "What's wrong?" Ichigo asked, concern creeping into his voice. "Did something happen?"

"Umm yeah…" Rukia hesitated. "I'm pregnant," she blurted quickly. "And you have to tell Ni-sama!"

"What?" Ichigo nearly fell off of his chair. "Why do I have to tell him? You're the one who's pregnant!"

"You're the one who got me pregnant," she pointed out.

"If I recall correctly, you were just as eager as I was!" Ichigo snapped, his face slowly turning red."

"Well…" Rukia conceded, "I guess if you don't want to tell Ni-sama you just have to tell everybody that you see, and tell them to tell everybody that they see, and so on. That way it'll get to him eventually…"

"Yeah, okay. I can do that." Ichigo leaned forwards and took Rukia's hands in his. He grinned crookedly. "Later." She grinned back at him.

"Later," she agreed, meeting him halfway.

* * *

><p>The next day Ichigo was strolling contentedly through the Seireitei, a whimsical smile on his face.<p>

"You look happy about something," a familiar voice quipped from near his ear. Ichigo started and turned to see Ikkaku leaning on his zanpaku-to behind him.

"Rukia's pregnant," Ichigo said, remembering his promise. Ikkaku blinked.

"That's… nice?" he tried, startled.

"And you have to tell everybody you see."

"Everybody I see?" Ikkaku asked. Ichigo nodded, grinning. "Oh great… Now I can't look at Captain Kuchiki!"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can't either. And neither can anybody you tell." Ikkaku's grin crept back onto his face.

"I think I like this…" he said. "See you around!"

"See you baldy," Ichigo laughed. Ikkaku turned.

"Don't call me that!" Ichigo just walked away. Seething, Ikkaku yelled insults after Ichigo's retreating form. The strawberry didn't respond, which only made Ikkaku angrier.

Ikkaku strode into the Eleventh Division Barracks, determined to catch Yumichika before he took a report to Captain Kuchiki. The very girly-guy was just leaving. Ikkaku grabbed his arm.

"Rukia's pregnant," he informed him. "And you have to tell everybody you see."

"What? But I have to go and take this to Captain Kuchiki! He's going to _kill_ me!"

"Well…" Ikkaku thought for a moment. Although he was a self-centered prick, Yumichika _was_ his best friend. "I suppose you could always cover your eyes."

"Yes… I could. Thanks." Yumichika flounced out the door. You could almost see the hypothetical sparkles that surrounded him. Ikkaku walked through the barracks calling a greeting of "Rukia's pregnant! You have to tell everybody that you see!" to everybody that he passed. Even Yachiru thought it was wise not to look at Byakuya. Kenpachi announced that he had to go to the Twelfth Division and get Mayuri to make another eye patch for him.

"Why?" Ikkaku asked. "Isn't this one good enough?"

"It is. I need one for the _other_ eye." And with that, Kenpachi stalked out, Yachiru hanging off of his back.

* * *

><p>Yumichika quickly covered his eyes with a hand as he entered the office that Byakuya and Renji shared.<p>

"You need to sign this paperwork Captain Kuchiki." He said, hoping that he was facing the right way. He wasn't.

"Behind you," Byakuya said emotionlessly. Yumichika spun around, stumbling slightly. _Oh, this is _so_ unbeautiful,_ he thought mournfully. But what he would look like after Byakuya was finished with him didn't bear thinking about. No, it was better to keep his eyes covered. "Is something wrong with your eyes, Aysegawa?" Byakuya didn't sound _concerned_ exactly, but he did sound a little confused. The paper's were tugged gently out of Yumichika's hands, and he relinquished his hold on them gratefully.

"No, nothing at all," Yumichka assured him hurriedly, tripping over… something. It could have been a chair. But then again, it could have been part of a desk, or a wall, or a lamp…

"Here, I'll walk you out," Renji said. "I have to drop this off at the tenth." Yumichika was relieved when he felt Renji's hand on his arm, roughly guiding him out.

Once they were out of Byakuya's office, Yumichika uncovered his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief.

"What is with you?" Renji asked. Yumichika glanced up at him, and then winced.

"Rukia's pregnant and you have to tell everybody that you see!" he blurted quickly. Renji stopped and stared at him.

"Wha- But… But I have to _work_ with him!"

"Sorry," Yumichika muttered. Renji began walking again, brooding. They passed Rikichi, and both said the new greeting at the same time. He froze, paled, turned and ran in the other direction.

"This is bad," Renji groaned. "Soon everybody'll know!"

"And nobody will look at him," Yumichika agreed. "I do feel kind of bad for him, you know?"

"Bad enough to tell him?" Renji asked. Yumichika shuddered.

"Being sliced into pieces by a million blades is _so_ unbeautiful," he said, flipping his hair.

"That's what I thought. Rukia's pregnant and you have to tell everybody that you see!" he informed a gaggle of girls. Each of them was holding a bouquet of flowers, probably for Byakuya. They dropped the flowers simultaneously, turned, and fled.

"This is going to be very unbeautiful chaos!" Yumichika exclaimed. Renji smiled slowly.

"Yes… But it could be fun."

Yumichika sighed. "I have to go and take this to Izuru," he said, taking another stack of paper out of a pocket. "See you around."

"Yep," Renji told the pretty-boy. "See you."

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><p>By the time that Renji reached the Tenth Squad Barracks, he had tagged at least twenty people, who had gone on to tag at least twenty more, each. If it carried on like this, Byakuya would be the only one not to know by the end of the day, unless somebody was suicidal enough to tell him. Hitsugaya wasn't in his usual place at his desk when Renji walked in, but Rangiku was there. She was tied to her desk, sulking.<p>

"Rukia's pregnant and you have to tell everybody that you see!" he greeted her. Rangiku stared at him in shock.

"So nobody's looking at Byakuya anymore?" she asked.

"Not unless they're suicidal."

Suddenly Rangiku grinned. "Toshiro's in a meeting with Old man Yama," she told him. "Wouldn't it be funny if nobody told him either?"

"The look on his face would be priceless!" Renji replied. Quickly Rangiku summoned a Hell Butterfly, and gave it a message.

"There. It'll tell everybody except for Byakuya and Toshiro not to look at Captain Hitsugaya. They'll get it once they're told!"

"Yeah, but at least if you tell him it's not that big a deal." Renji told her. "He probably won't care. But I have to work with Byakuya! He'll freak if I tell him!"

"Poor you," Rangiku reached up and patted him on the shoulder. "Just try to make the best of it."

"Thanks," Renji told her. "I will. Give these to the Captain, will you?"

"I would," Rangiku began, "but he caught me slacking off again. I have to do all of his paperwork, except for what requires his signature!"

"Ouch," Renji winced. "That sucks."

"I know," Rangiku whined. "Anyways. If I survive the paperwork I'll see you later."

"Bye." Renji waved, and with a feeling of mounting horror walked as slowly as possible back to the sixth division.

* * *

><p>Byakuya turned to look at his vice captain when Renji entered the room. To his surprise, Renji was covering his eyes, just like Yumichika had been.<p>

"Is there something wrong with your eyes?" he asked, his voice a careful monotone.

"Just you." Renji sighed. Byakuya blinked.

"Sorry?"

"You're such a pretty guy," Renji informed him matter-of-factly. "And your hair's so shiny and soft looking."

"…"

"But the main problem is that you're so pretty it's almost blinding. Pretty, pretty Kuchiki."

"Abarai, are you feeling alright?"

"You're such a pretty gir- guy." Renji continued, oblivious.

"Abarai, go visit the Fourth division."

"Yes pretty captain." He turned around and walked into the wall. "Pretty Kuchiki." He murmured to himself.

"Abarai, go!"

"Whatever the pretty gir- guy, says," Renji agreed, feeling his way along the wall. He found the door, gave Byakuya a little wave, and after stumbling his way out, clumsily closed the office door behind him. Byakuya picked up his Soul Pager and dialled the fourth division.

"I just sent Abarai to you. He appears to be delirious. Please ensure that he gets the proper medical help." With that he returned to his paperwork, shaking his head. What was wrong with his vice captain? He didn't get it.

When Byakuya left the barracks, he found that _everybody_ that he walked past immediately covered their eyes at his presence. Was this some sort of practical joke, or was he _really_ that hideous? Byakuya shook off a feeling of foreboding. It was just some phase that everybody was going through. They'd get over it. Most likely, everything would be forgotten by the next day.

It wasn't. Everywhere that Byakuya went people covered their eyes and looked away, refusing to look at him. It was getting to the point that he took all of his restraint to keep from grabbing the nearest person and screaming at them. _What the hell is going on here?_ He thought, striding into the barracks, where all of the sixth division covered their eyes as he passed. He slipped into his office, shut the door, and dropped inelegantly into his chair, rubbing his forehead. It was a bit extreme for a practical joke, wasn't it?

A knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts, and within seconds he went from a confused man to a cool, calm Kuchiki. When the young secretary entered, he was working diligently through the stack of papers on his desk. Silently she handed him another stack, her eyes averted. Of course, this was normal for her- she was new and young, and quite shy, but normally she peaked up through her lashes at him. Now she refused to look at him at all.

"Thank you," he told her, struggling to keep the hurt out of his voice as he took the papers. She nodded, and scrambled out, shutting the door gently behind her. Byakuya stared dismally at the pile of work on his desk, which would only keep getting higher despite his best efforts and sighed. He would have to work extra hard today, as Renji probably wouldn't be in. And he had a Captain's meeting in an hour, which would take up much of his time on useless, boring topics. He supposed it was good that he had learned how to sleep standing up, with his eyes open, when he was young. There was no way that anybody could remain awake through _that_.

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><p>Byakuya entered the Captain's meeting hall, noticing glumly that everybody was still refusing to look at him. It would be better if they would just quit covering their eyes when he passed. He could survive not being looked at- it was just that it was so blatantly <em>obvious<em>. Resisting the urge to run home to bed and sleep for a week, he took his appointed spot beside Kyoraku. Kyoraku had his hands over his eyes, and Unohana- who was usually on his other side was absent. Everybody was covering their eyes except for him and Hitsugaya, who looked just as confused as he felt. With growing depression Byakuya realized that even Head-Captain Yamamoto had his eyes squeezed shut, although that could be coincidence. The man often fell asleep, and it was the other captains' jobs to wake him up in a way that made it seem like they weren't actually trying to wake him up. It could be quite amusing. Last time Soi Fon and Kenpachi had started a fight in the middle of the hall, screaming at each other, while the other captains watched, trying their hardest not to laugh. The whole argument had been fake of course; as they were yelling at each other about which would be better on rice- chocolate chips, cheese and pepper, or jalapenos, ketchup and caramel sauce. Both of them agreed later that both options would be disgusting and they would never, ever eat anything like that. It was probably the first thing that the two agreed on.

"Since our ranks have been seriously impacted by Aizen's betrayal," Yamamoto began, his eyes still closed. The realization made Byakuya bite back a groan. "I wish to strengthen the back bone of the Seireitei by encouraging friendship between the captains. Therefore, in today's captains meeting, and all the ones following this one, I will allow you to stand wherever you wish." A lot of shuffling greeted the old man's announcement, as the Captains found their way around without looking once. Byakuya stayed in his usual place, watching as they ran into everything- each other, the walls, the head-captain's chair… It would have been amusing if he had known why their eyes were shut. As he didn't understand, he found it annoying, and increasingly frustrating.

When the Captains had arranged themselves into two, wavy, uneven lines that were far from where they were supposed to be, Byakuya and Hitsugaya found themselves beside each other, where the line of captains should have been. As Yamamoto started the meeting with the first boring, unneeded topic, Byakuya self-consciously ran a pale hand through his dark hair, wondering if he really looked that hideous.

"You look fine," Hitsugaya whispered, standing on his tip-toes to pat Byakuya's shoulder, which was degrading for both of them, but nice of him all the same. "Do I?" Byakuya glanced down at the small captain and nodded.

"What's going on?" he whispered back, making sure that nothing that Yamamoto was saying was actually important.

"I don't know! Everybody covers their eyes when I pass. Nobody's looked at me all day!" Hitsugaya exclaimed softly. Byakuya nodded.

"I don't understand," he murmured. "I look the same as I've always done, and they never avoided looking at me before. It doesn't make any sense. Abarai has been acting strangely as well," he thought for a moment and then added, "well, stranger than normal I mean."

"Matsumoto too," Hitsugaya agreed. "She was running around the office yesterday with her eyes closed, yelling something about 2012 and a zombie apocalypse. What'd Renji do?"

The thought of Renji's words the day before brought a slight, barely noticeable blush to Byakuya's pale skin, and he shook his head. "I'd rather not repeat what he said." Hitsugaya gave him a pitying look.

"That bad, huh?"

"I prefer the zombie apocalypse. What is 2012 supposed to mean?"

"Dunno… Maybe it's how many zombies there are going to be? Or maybe the amount of survivors?" Hitsugaya shrugged. "I didn't want to ask. She was scaring me a little."

"I can see why." The two confused captains were silent through the rest of the meeting, but through some unspoken agreement after that, they were friends.

* * *

><p>"He should be here by now!" Rukia groaned, both hands on her stomach.<p>

"I don't think he knows yet," Ichigo told her. "Nobody's looking at him."

"Well I'm going to go tell him," she said, standing up. "It's not fair to him." She paled suddenly, and added quickly, "In a moment." She turned and ran towards the bathroom. Ichigo stood up and followed her, holding her head over the toilet while she puked.

"How about you go lie down and tell him when you feel better," he told her, gently helping her stand. She leaned against him weakly.

"But-" she began to protest.

"He'll never forgive me if I let you go out like this," Ichigo informed her. "And since he'll have a lot to never forgive me for by the time this is over, I think I'd like to keep my offences low. Rukia rested her head on his shoulder as consent, and he scooped her off the floor and carried her to bed.

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><p>Byakuya walked back to the sixth barracks, his heart feeling a little lighter at the fact that it <em>wasn't just him<em>. He returned to his paperwork, and barely noticed the way that the secretaries avoided looking at him. Near noon Hitsugaya entered, carrying another stack of papers.

"Sorry," he said, noticing the way that Byakuya looked at the stack. He dropped onto another chair across from Byakuya's desk. "Still no clue what's going on?" he asked. Byakuya shook his head.

"No." He picked up a pile of papers that he had to take to Head-Captain Yamamoto. "I'm going to first division," he told his new friend.

"I have to too," Hitsugaya sighed. "Mind if I come with?"

"Not at all."

The two walked out of the sixth division together. The people outside froze when they stepped out the doors. There was a collective muttering of "oh shit!" and then one very brave soul back in the crowd somewhere yelled, "Rukia's pregnant!" and everybody fled. Byakuya stopped, and blinked. People were looking at him now, although they all seemed very nervous, and looked as though they'd like to get out as fast as possible.

"Is that all?" he asked. "Was that really what this was all about?" Hitsugaya shrugged.

"I think so… I don't see why they couldn't _look_ at us though." They glanced at each other.

"Really," Byakuya muttered. The street had cleared faster than anything he had ever seen. "What do they think I'm going to do, go Bankai on everybody?"

"I think that's exactly what they think you're going to do." Hitsugaya told him.

"Why would I do that?" he asked. Hitsugaya shrugged.

"Their minds work in odd ways." He noticed how Byakuya was looking distractedly at the papers in his hand. "Want me to take those for you?"

"Please," Byakuya replied. Hitsugaya took the paperwork, carefully keeping it separate from his papers for the first division. "Thank you," Byakuya murmured, turning towards Rukia's house. Hitsugaya just waved and set out for the first division. "No seriously," Byakuya muttered to himself. "Why would I use Bankai? I'm not angry. I've always wanted a kid, and I suppose being an uncle is the next best thing."

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! =)<strong>

**Review please! It'll make me happy!**


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